Donald Trump

Donald Trump is the meme master and is current US PRESIDENT-ELECT.

Life
Donald Trump had it hard growing up. He was given a small loan of a million dollars from his father and he made it big.

Presidential Promises
Donald Trump promises to build a wall on the Mexico/American border and make Mexico pay for it to keep the raping Hispanics out.

Role on FNP
Donald Trump has slowly become a hot topic on the Friday Night Podcast. During FNP 3.0, Jack started wearing a trump hat during shows and eventually started wearing a trump bucket hat. While they usually don't spend long amounts of time talking politics, they still make frequent trump references and often refer to the man as "daddy". After Trump won the 2016 election, The crew decided to have a trump themed episode in which they celebrated his win and actually spent a large portion of the show talking politics (FNP #58). The hosts that love Trump are Jack and Andy. Robby, unlike the other two, doesn't CLAIM to want to be penetrated by Mr. Trump. But we all suspect he does.

FNP

Trump was a main character in an FNP improv story. It went like this. Jack and Robby were brothers and they grew up together in Quebec. They lived there all their lives and enjoyed the syrup, the moose, and the hockey. One day they were playing in the street and having a ball when they discovered a FOR SALE sign in their front yard. "Oh no, we're moving!" said a small and dismayed Robby child. "How do you know that?" asked an equally small and mildly confused Jack child. "The sign. It says we're moving.It literally says we're moving on it." deadpanned Robby. "...oh" replied Jack. The children ran into the house and repeatedly yelled for their mommy. Their mother Andy turned around upon hearing the cries of her children. "Yes, son?" Andy asked kindly. "Mommy, why are you still making memes out of us?" the bewildered children asked. "Sorry, guys," Andy replied, "I just... like making memes. Where's your father?" Upon leaning that he was in the other room, Andy sent the children to talk to their father, Brendan Fraser. "Yes?" Brendan replied to the panicked cries of his neurotic children. "Daddy, why are we moving?" Robby interrogated. "Oh, you saw the sign," replied Brendan and continued to explain "well, you see son, me and Mommy and being transferred to the United States. The land of the free." "I've never heard of the United States" responded Robby. "Well you see, son," Brendan then took a breath and broke into song. "Its this great place. A fun place to be. A country that knows no bounds. 50 states all together. In a place for you to find. Ohhhh, Ohhhhhhh, OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH! United States of America! The greatest place in the world! United States! You wont wanna leave! And you'll stay! Until you die." Brendan finished his song with his usual charm and elegance. "Wow, dad that was great." said the inspired Robby. "Thanks son. Honey, it's time to leave." proclaimed Brendan. They left and moved to the United States. The happy family started singing while crossing the border on the way to their new home. "Come on, lets go to the United States. It'll be fun! Du duuu!" sang the musical Canadians. They made it across the border and arrived at their new house. They all marveled at how wonderful the new accommodations were. However, Robby turned to Jack and said "Hey, I don't think I like this place very much." Jack was confused. "What are you talking about, Robby?" he demanded. Robby began to explain. "I don't know. I just get a weird vibe from it. Just not sure yet-I don't know-I can't put my finger on it. I can't put my maple syrup on it thats in the shape of a moose. But I know theres something up." Brendan Fraser then exclaimed "Hey, wait a minute! We're in the United States! We gotta learn about the United States! We haven't learned anything about it!" Andy pondered this. "Uh, yeah. You're right honey. Who's the president of the United States?" The Canadian family then retrieved their computer and looked up who the president was. "Donald Trump. The President of the United States. Huh, he looks like a fine gentleman." Donald Trump sits in the Oval Office. As he sits there majestically and presidentially, a lone tuba begins to play some music for him. Trump is being broadcasted live to the whole world at this moment. Trump then begins to sing. "I'm the President of the United States. Finally got elected even though people hate me. And now I'm gonna build a wall. Except, not over Mexico. On the border of Canada. And I'm kicking out all Canadian immigrants." Back at the home of Brendan Fraser, Andy, Robby, and Jack, Robby hears Trump say this and yells "WAIT, pause the video!" "Now, son you cant pause the TV!" said a mildly disappointed Brendan Fraser. Robby was clearly incensed. "But we can't live with this, we're Canadians! He's gonna kick us out!" the enraged Robby child shouted. Jack ran in the house with some papers in hand. "We got a letter in the mail!" stated the unsuspecting Jack child. "What does it say?" asked an anxious Robby. Answering his own question, he opened the letter himself. "It says we have to go back to Canada or die... Oh no or DIE! What will we ever do?" asked the panicky Robby. He looked to Brendan Fraser who responded in his typical nonchalant way "I've got some people." And this was proved true later on when Brendan Fraser had yetis flown in to America before the wall was constructed. Brendan Fraser took the letter and read it himself and said "Well, we just got here. We're not going back." "Yeeah" responded Robby. Brendan then broke into song again. "We're not goin back, we're not goin back to the Canadians. Donald Trump wants to kick us out. But thats not gonna happen, yeah." "So what are we gonna do, Dad?" asked the increasingly impatient Jack. There was only one thing Brendan Fraser could do. "So, I'm gonna teach you how to fight! I'm gonna teach you how to fight the establishment, fight Donald Trump!" exclaimed the epic hero that is Brendan Fraser. "But Dad, I've never even met Donald Trump I don't know what he's like" replied one of the children. "I do. Well, let me tell you, son." Brendan once again started up another musical number "Donald Trump, he's a bad guy. He built the wall on the border of Canada. Donald Trump. Literally Hitler." The Robby child was once again inspired and said "I think I get it. I think I can defeat Donald Trump! Lets go, Dad!" Brendan agreed. "Ok, son lets go. I have the map to the White House." The Canadian family piled into their car and began their journey to the White House. After a while, the observant Robby child noticed that they were going in circles. "Wait, Dad... Are we going in circles?" Robby inquired. "Uh, no son. Just ignore this," responded the nervous Brendan Fraser. "Dad, I think we're going in circles" insisted the Robby child. "YOU KNOW WHAT SON, I'M SORRY! But I wanted to be like a cool dad! I wanted it to seem like we could fight Donald Trump and get into the White House and fight the establishment, but I guess that's not going to happen! You can't stump the Trump, son!" ranted the mentally exhausted Brendan Fraser. Robby was crushed. "...Dad, you LIED to me?!?" "To save your life!" insisted Brendan Fraser. "I lied to save your life, son!" Robby took this news quite poorly. "Dad... you're not my dad anymore" replied the fuming Robby child. He then began to sing. "I lost my dad. And I'm really angry about it. I'm also sad. But I'm also really angry." Robby then plunged into a guitar solo. "I'm gonna fight Donald Trump anyways. All. By. My. Self! I don't know the ways but he'll teach me anyways. Lets go to the White House! Been watching too much Land Before Time. Everything is a song. Everything is a song." Robby then killed his father, Brendan Fraser. A shadowy figure then appeared. Robby yelled 'WOAH, STOP THE CAR" and used his force psychic super powers to stop the car. "Jack? Brother?" Robby asked at the shadowy figure. "Yes, I'm here. And I'm going to help you defeat Donald Trump." replied the dramatic Jack child. "We're destroying Donald Trump? I thought we were just gonna fight him." was the response. The Jack child though for a moment. "I'm going to help you fight Donald Trump." "Ok! Lets do it together!" said Robby. "First we need directions." The children then started driving. They drove down the road and just kept going up and down the highway and thats when the gas ran out. "CRAP!" the foul mouthed Robby child yelled. "What happened?" asked the unobservant Jack child. "The gas is out!" exclaimed the frustrated Robby child. "Whats the gas?" inquired the potentially hopeless Jack child. "The stuff that makes the car go! Oh no the stuff that makes the car go is gone! I know what we'll do. We'll hitchhike!" stated the Robby child. While hitchhiking, the children were pulled over so they duct taped the guy, chastised him for the amount of noise he was making, and then threw him in a ditch. "Lets make it look like he was drinking!" plotted the devious Robby child. "Lets take his truck!" said the thieving Jack child. The once again hit the road and made it to the White House. "Hey is that the White House?" asked Robby. "I think it is, Robby," responded Jack. "Oh no! The've built a wall around the White House! How are we gonna get in?" exclaimed the Robby child. "Well, looks like we're gonna have to take a plane," said the Jack child. The crafty children rearranged their stolen car into an airplane and used it to get over the wall. Once over the wall, the children saw a figure lurking in the shadows. he stepped out and asked "How did you get over my wall? Frankly, I don't want anyone over my wall. I'm the President of the United States!" The children ignore his question. "Donald Trump, we're gonna fight you!" said the children in unison. Then Jack sits there for a moment and realizes "Wait a minute. I just remembered. I just ordered a Trump HAT! I actually LIKE Donald Trump!" Robby felt betrayed beyond compare. "Jack... you LIED to me?!?" the devastated Robby child asked. "You brought him here to kill me!" Robby accused. "Frankly, you've done that to yourself. Your anger and your lust for power have already done that. You've allowed Brendan Fraser to twist your mind until now, now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy." replied Donald Trump. "Don't lecture me, Donald Trump, I see through the lies of the establishment!" retorted the Robby child. "Robby, I don't even like the establishment! My whole campaign was against the establishment, frankly!" Donald Trump exclaimed in a flurry of common sense. Robby spun up in the air and Donald Trump pulled out his lightsaber and sliced Robby in half. "ehhhhhhughhhh" whimpered the now much lighter Robby child. "You were my brother, Robby! And now you're sliced in half!" the Jack child yelled. "I hate you!" the angry Robby child screamed. Donald Trump got bored and went inside. Robby burned to death. The end.

Trump makes me hard.